This is not new for unmarried Asian women who are in their 20s. I don’t get the point in questioning someone else’s personal choices, whereas Islam gives you no right to deal with such. It’s pretty clear that according to Islam, we are not allowed to put another person in an uncomfortable position. Questioning my personal choice is uncomfortable, at least for me. And I know there are a lot of women who’d relate. This is for them, you are not alone, and if you aren’t married in your 20s, it’s OK. Allah (SWT) has you back. Even if you don’t want to get married, it’s still OK because that’s what you chose to be.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is leaving alone that which does not concern him.”
You Have No Say in Someone’s Personal Choice
Not questioning another person’s personal choice is simple, but I don’t understand why our community finds it hard. Some people treat getting married like a trophy; of course, it could be for you, but that’s not the case for everyone. And just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have the right to question unmarried women. Such questions put the girls in vulnerable situations. Not every girl is strong enough to shrug it off or give right back, and some sensitive people take your question to their hearts.
There are girls in their 20s who spend their nights crying, thinking that they are not beautiful enough to get married. They assume they wouldn’t find “the” one because they’ve already turned 25. Some girls feel like a burden to their families because that’s what the families say. It’s important to understand that not everyone is mentally strong to put up with whatever you ask. Some girls are pushed into mental traumas because of questioning their personal choices.
According to some, when a girl passes the age of 20-25, she’s treated as a commodity because she’s at the age of marrying. When she attends an event, the very question aimed at her is, “are you married or when are you marrying?.” Isn’t there anything else in the world to talk about? Or if you don’t have anything to talk about, you could simply remain silent.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else keep silent.”
Married Women Degrading Unmarried Women
The worst of all is when a married woman degrades an unmarried woman. If you are married in your 20s, Allah (SWT) has written it that way, so it shouldn’t make you question an unmarried woman. Some women don’t want to marry, and they don’t find it as prestigious as you do.
There are instances when single women are treated like they have all the time in the world, and they have no responsibilities on their shoulders. They always get the “wait until you are married to know what responsibilities are” or “wait until you handle kids.” Single women have responsibilities, and they have chores to do, they have work stress to handle, and so on and. Just because they haven’t married doesn’t mean they don’t live! It’s as if you have to be married to prove your existence.
I’ve got advice from sisters who got married in their 20s, and they’ve asked me to wait until I’m ready. They’ve advised me to enjoy life and not to stress about not getting married early. There’s always time for everything.
You should prioritize yourself and work on building it. You need to become financially independent if that’s what you want. When the time comes, Allah (SWT) will send the right person into your life. There is nothing the Creator doesn’t know.
If You Are Unmarried and Stressed About it
Please don’t, Allah’s timing is perfect, and your time will come. He knows what’s right for you and when to make it happen. But you can always ask dua for a righteous spouse while becoming one.
You can also recite supplications that will help you get married soon. Remember, it’s a phase of life, while you want to enjoy it, you shouldn’t forget other things like self-development. While you ask dua for a good partner, you should think about yourself. Spend your time becoming a better version of yourself.
Most girls I know are usually fed with interest to get married and not focus on themselves. They don’t find a job, or they don’t do anything that will benefit them, which leads to a lot of stress because they are unemployed most of the time. When you don’t do anything, you have a lot of time to think, so your mind will wander into different things, and that’s not good for your mental health.
So if you are unemployed, try to do something that interests you, such as crafting, baking, writing, and so on. There are a lot of ideas that’ll help you make money while staying at home. When you occupy yourself, you’ll have less time to think about marriages or why you haven’t found your partner.
Trust Allah’s timing because he knows the unseen!
If You Are Unmarried And Don’t Want to Get Married
I know you might get the worst of criticisms, but Allah (SWT) is with you, and you know what you are doing. As someone who has seen toxic relationships and ugly household arguments, I can understand your take on marriage. Take your time, think about it, and if you can spend a few minutes reading this “Is Marriage the Prophet’s Sunnah?” you might get more insights.
However, in the end, it’s you and the Creator. It’s easy to question someone but to get into their shoes is tough. They might be going through a lot of problems, heartbreaks, mental traumas, and financial issues. If you are making it even harder by questioning their personal choices, I think you’d have to seek apologies if you want to please Allah (SWT).
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says: “Allah is kind, and He loves kindness in all matters.”